Sunday, October 18, 2009

So it's been about 10 months since I last posted something on my blog. So I guess I'm overdue for an update.

The past couple weeks have been pretty tough. Being back at school made me think about my future and all the things I need to do. I still need to get an internship with a veterinarian to get my 3,000 hours of experience to have a chance at being accepted into vet school. I submitted a resume and a cover letter 3 weeks ago and the person said they would get back to me with an interview date but no luck so far. On top of that, I have to maintain a pretty high GPA and get good scores on my GRE's. It's like high school and SATs (ugh) all over again. And since De Anza's class scheduling sucks, I'm behind in taking my lower division science classes. I wasn't able to fit Ochem into my schedule so I have to take that when I transfer to Davis next fall. With Ochem being a prerequisite for a lot of classes, I'm kinda worried I'll have to take an extra year or cram everything into one year. Neither choices appeal to me very much.

Then there's the problem with money. So basically, we're broke. I've been paying for my own books, food, gas, clothes, etc for the past year. Not being able to get a REAL job, it's hard to get a steady income to pay for everything. I'm still teaching tennis but the money I get from that is barely enough for everything. I guess I've been thinking about this problem a lot lately because I'll be turning 21 when I'm at Davis. Because I don't have the magical nine digit number called Social Security, I'll have to become an international student when I'm 21. The cost to go to Davis is like $10,000 a year if you're a California resident. For others, it's like $30,000. Because I can't apply for FAFSA, I have to pay the full $30,000 by myself. And when (and if) I get into vet school, it'll be $40,000 a year just for tuition. If I take out a student loan, I'll be in debt about $200,000 before I can even get a job.

So I sat down with my mom to see how we can deal with this issue.
Option 1: Get married to a citizen. A friend of mine actually did this. He came from Morocco and paid a random girl to marry him so he can get a green card. My mom's co-worker from the Philippines did this too. But I don't want to marry someone for this kind of reason. So it's not an option for me at this point.
Option 2: Join the army. If I enlist in the army and serve for 5 years, I'll be able to become a citizen. Do I want to serve this shitty country for 5 years? Not really
Option 3: Go back to Korea. If I go back to Korea, I'll be drafted into the army to serve for 2 - 3 years. No thanks.

Thinking about this problem left me pretty hopeless about everything. This problem is so huge that it's made everything else feel so insignificant. Maybe this is why I haven't been able to connect with old friends the past year or so. All the memories from high school and summer just don't seem important anymore and I don't appreciate the things I use to. I'm no longer motivated in schoolwork or in tennis. It's strange how one problem can cause everything to fall apart.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm the one going through all this. It was a tough decision turning down going to UCSD to go to De Anza in order to save money. I felt like I wasted 4 years of my life in high school trying to get into a good college. And seeing everyone enjoying college life living in dorms and away from home just made me realize what I'm missing. Is opportunity dependent on how much money you have? It seems unfair, doesnt it?

I don't know why I decided to post this. I don't want sympathy or pity. I guess I just needed someone to understand.

3 comments:

I am Katherine. said...

I'm not really sure what to say Kevie. I know you don't want pity, and I don't have any advice, even if I really wish I did - because if it's one person that deserves advice, it is you, Kevin.

All I can say with honesty, is that I love you and I miss seeing you, and I hope with all my heart that things get better. Although truthfully I am not sure how much that is all worth, I miss you ♥

Crystal said...

I miss you kevin.

Dami said...

kevinn,
that sounds really tough. 힘내!! i wish i knew what to say. keep your head up and i hope the best for you and your family.